I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
