rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
