they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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