What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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