i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
