so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize