Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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