I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
