Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize