I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
