i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
