Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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