Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
