do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
