Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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