Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
