i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize