she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
