Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
