I wish my penis had an off switch
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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