The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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