Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
