my phone needs a breathalizer
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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