Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
