my vag is so smooth its legendary
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
