The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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