I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just fell off a train. Bad.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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