Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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