what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
