so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
