8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
