Where are you?
In a non slutty way
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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