Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
