my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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