Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
