I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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