Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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