my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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