Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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