you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry about my life...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
