She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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