if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He shit in the fireplace
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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