Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
