If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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