You made me cry and you don't even care
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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