Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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