I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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