got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
