Porn is love you can see.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
