The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
