please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i have herpe
just one?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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