Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
