And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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