I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
