When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
