I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
