Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm like, not good at living.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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