My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
