Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
