i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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