He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize