Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
