Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
