"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize