Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
