She is in my trunk
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
