I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
