ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My balls are so social today.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Randomize
